I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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