Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
