im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
