There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
...so i touched it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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