let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
