Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm just crazy horny about you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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