too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
