ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
