The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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