No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
