What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
