I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
