Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
