am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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