The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
