Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
