yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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