Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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