My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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