is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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