Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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