New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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