Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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