Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
