Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
