He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
