he told me I talked like a deaf person
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
