another moral hangover. fuck.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Someone shattered a urinal.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
