Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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