He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize