SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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