So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
