Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
