she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
