The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
