So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize