you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
