I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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