I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
