is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
