okay pat passed out under dana's car
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize