Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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