Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
