filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
