There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
