my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
