last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
