Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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