I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
