One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
