Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
