I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We got so high we made milksteak
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
