Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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