yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
