The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
