fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
