dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
