The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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