If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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