I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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