Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
