peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
no you cant smoke seaweed
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
