Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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