I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize