I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
