8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's blow job season.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
