do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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