Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
