Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
