I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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