That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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